Brand New You

What does your choice of brands say about you?

If you're anything like me, you have certain shops and certain brand names that you return to again and again.

A couple of years ago, I used to walk into my local (Soho) American Apparel shop and laugh at the Hipster Youth, bad electro music, and the clothes. Zebra-print leggings? Gimme a break!
A couple of days ago, I bought my sixth dress from there. I still don't know why, overnight, I decided I liked the clothes, but now it's my go-to place for simple, sexy dresses.

I've never considered myself a brand-name queen. When my friends went shopping in Bond Street, I'd shuffle behind, stifling yawns and trying not to run screaming for the hills. Not just because shopping is boring, but because I just didn't see the point of spunking money up the wall for something you could buy for half the price if you crossed over to the High Street. I thought it was frivolous. I used to think I was somehow on higher ground because of my restraint, going so far to look down on friends whose closets were stuffed with designer gear.

Now that I earn actual money and have a little experience and perspective, I can see why brands are so important to us. They speak to certain parts of our soul and personality, and are an important part of how we want to be perceived by people we know, and those we will never meet or see again.

Here are my current favourites:

Brand: American Apparel
Positioning: Urban, laid-back hipster. Skinny (forget wearing their clothes if you're a size 16 and over) or at least, in my case, working on it.
Notes: The founder, Dov Charney, is known for his explicit soft-core shots of maybe-underage, maybe-coked-up models and staff - he's right in the thick of the marketing (as it were). There is an unofficial 'No Munters, No Fatties, No Dogs' policy in place for hiring staff. I dare you to go into a shop and not feel 200 years old.
What it says about me: I'm slim enough to wear the clothes - instant self-esteem boost there. The sizing is erratic - pretty much reflects my own body issues. I'm young enough to get away with wearing a mini-dress that just about covers my arse, or at least look it (although I am 30 next year, I will perpetually look about 10 years younger). I'm not buying into the hipster aesthetic, as keffiyeh scarves look ridiculous on me. What I'm buying is youth, thinness and a slightly subversive edge.


Brand: Clarins
Positioning: Luxury French skincare. Makes life more beautiful.
Notes: Introduced to the range by my mother, I've been using their products since I was 14, thereby sailing through my teens with flawless skin. The Clarins Spa is the closest you will come to Heaven without having to die first. Fact.
What it says about me: Deep down, under my sometimes gauche and lumpen exterior, I am elegant and poised. Luxury is my fundamental right. Every time I purchase a product, even on the cheap via eBay, my ego gets a 'stroke' - that is, my belief that I am entitled to be treated like a queen is reinforced. I have been known to spend hundreds of pounds a time on products; the 'discovery' samples are generous, the bags collectible. They appeal to an obsessive part of my psyche - every time I see an advert for an offer (products and bags are given away with purchases), my heart soars and my wallet hides. Another bag! Hurrah!


Brand: MAC
Positioning: Makeup Artist Cosmetics is aimed at artists, and those of us who want to bring true professional-quality glamour into our lives. Diverse, gay-friendly, trend-setting.
Notes: Every self-respecting pro makeup artist I have ever met has MAC products, if not training. Every self-respecting performer you can think of has at least half an inch of MAC's finest expertly applied. Spokesmodels include Fergie (the singer), rapper Eve, and Dita Von Teese. I think drag queen par excellence RuPaul, Elton John and Missy Elliot have also represented them. You buy one product, be prepared to buy them all.
What it says about me: Music-video glamour is mine, and easy to achieve. I am insecure about my looks and want magazine-perfect results from my products. I want people to think I am beautiful and artistic. Patience is also a factor: you need it if you spend 20 minutes - on a speedy day - applying basic makeup.


Brand: Benefit
Positioning: Quirky, cheeky and a little retro-glam.
Notes: Founded by twin sisters, Benefit is all about injecting fun into beauty. MAC is quite serious in comparison: everything (except special collections) is in sober black and white packaging. Benefit, by contrast, made a recent product look like a record, and the box like a turntable. It harks back to retro-sexy glamour - think 40s and 50s pin-ups.
What it says about me: My favourite product is a body lotion called 'Touch Me, Then Try To Leave'. It's the moisturising equivalent of wearing a Burberry trench with Myla lingerie under it, and precious little else, bar a smile. I'm sensuous and tactile - with the right person. Again, with certain products, the 'You Are a Queen' button gets a push. I like to think it reflects a part of my personality that wants to be seen as effortlessly glamorous. I am smooth, sexy, yet approachable.


I've always noted how odd it is that I tend to spend the majority of my cash on makeup and nice-smelling things, rather than necessities like clothes. At a basic level, I am unhappy with the way I look, despite having recently lost nearly a stone. I'm afraid of clothes; one day they fit, the next they laugh at me, presenting me with an unwanted gift of a muffin-top. Moisturisers, on the other hand, don't let me down in the same way and give me comfort (hobbies and work notwithstanding).

You want people to make a snap judgement of you; anyone who says otherwise is lying (even if that snap judgement is 'doesn't care what anyone thinks'). So, over to you. What are your top brands, and what can people assume... from the things you consume?