I haven't blogged about it for a reason, but I'm single now.
The last few weeks have been miserable: the break-up was protracted, painful and with all the tears, grief, fury, confusion and depression that comes attendant; blogging about all of that would have turned this blog into an ugly, ugly emo-fest which is better kept private.
As the lyric goes, the hardest part is knowing you'll survive; you eventually stop seeing so much tunnel, and start catching more and more glimpses of light. That's the stage I'm at now.
The most comforting part of all this is that I'm definitely not alone in my angst, and that in itself can make you feel better. And you know the clouds are parting, when your thoughts turn to making yourself a better person - and they should, because doing the same thing over and over, achieving the same results, is how madness was so cleverly defined.
How best to tackle this fresh start? Well, the idea is not to pick yourself apart to the point where you become a heap of neuroses with all the personality of a bag of snakes - it's to ask yourself, 'How can I be better? How can I do better?' and not just for romantic relationships, but your life in general.
Its this approach that is of most use to the singleton. Go out and do the things that you like! Cultivate hobbies, and stop worrying about dying alone, being eaten by your cats.
Hot Alpha Female did an excellent blog on this subject (being a happy single, not being eaten by your cats), and all you single people reading this need to wake up and pay attention. The best advice tends to be that which is obvious, but hidden in plain sight. We so easily forget what makes us unique and special, because another person comes along and all of a sudden you think their shit smells like Chanel No.5:
...Stop focusing on external factors and start focusing on yourself. In many
ways it’s a great thing to embrace being single. It’s a very liberated and free
time... You will probably be spending most of your lifetime being married or
what not than you will be single. So enjoy that limited time that you have. And
most importantly make the most of it! [...]Because no-one can ever give you that
time back.
Word.
Posts
23 repeat after me:
Guy's a moron.
*big heartfelt hugs*
Thanks G. xx
I'm right there with you hon - well, perhaps five paces behind you as I can't yet see the end of the tunnel after the heartbreak, though I know it's there in theory.
It's a very well made point though - embrace this time of being able to do what you want, when you want - rather than lament the absence of a significant other.
Please say your thang with TT hasn't gone south too, LG...?
"We so easily forget what makes us unique and special, because another person comes along and all of a sudden you think their shit smells like Chanel No.5"
Ha, in NYC I think people have trouble in relationships because they CAN'T FORGET all the things that they think make them unique and special long enough to believe someone else's shit smells like Chanel No. 5. Narcissism runs rampant here.
Don't worry, things will get better. They always do.
Hey Girl,
Im sorry to hear that you are currently getting over a breakup. But I think you have passed the hardest part which I believe is the acceptance part.
Its now a great time, to pick up the pieces and start putting yourself back together again.
Like I said in the post. I'm loving the fact that im single right now.
I'm excited about the prospect .. that in due time, im going to meet someone who is just right for me.
It did take me a little while to get to this place though. And my advice would be to enjoy where you are now because it is part of the journey. Its what makes you strong and worthy of a better and more fulfilling relationship.
All the best babe
Hot Alpha Female
www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
Thats so true...you know what, even though Im in a relatoinship, ocasionally you still remember those single times as some of the best days and nights you've ever had. There's something so liberating about being single, when you can think about YOU and not YOU +1... and I'm kind of glad you didn't blog it. Sounds like you didn't need to.
T - I wonder sometimes how I'd cope with dating in NYC. I have come to the conclusion that from what I've heard, it's hard work! But how do narcissists manage to mate when they're busy wanking into a mirror?
HAF - thanks for stopping by! Acceptance is indeed that hardest part, and that took me a while. You meet someone and think that you should fight for them, because you think they're worth it. It makes me think that romance has no place in building a relationship, if you know what I mean. And I'm coming towards the 'good place' now. I intend to enjoy being here for quite some time, because good things come to those who wait.
Jo - YES! So true. It's fun to go out, have a drink and a larf, dance with and snog the face off inappropriate men, and all without incurring the ire of Him Indoors. I'm the kind of person that likes to get things out of her system before settling down with the husband du jour.
I'm glad I didn't blog it either - I wrote about it offline so I could tap into the pain for use in my fiction, but seeing it hanging around in cyberspace would have made healing take twice as long. I think it's better to blog about what you've learned from something, than to be in the moment and waste pixels wallowing in grief. At least others can benefit or at least be entertained by the aftermath.
See -- you manage to be inspiring and uplifting even when you has a sad. There will be no cats taking bites out of you, quite yet.
Hang in there, CB x
Instead of self-improvement, I prefer to get stinking drunk and send inappropriate emails to my exes. After all, it's THEIR problem, right? We're perfect. Right? Right?
Anyway, I'm sorry that you're having a hard time. I send you a virtual hug.
When I broke up with The Bastard I didn't move, eat or wash for months. Yeah, that wasn't exactly the best plan. But these things get better, evetually :)
Years ago, after breaking up with a man I lived with for six years, I found that remembering all of the things about him that drove me nuts helped to get me over him pretty effing quick. There's a certain clarity that comes from sitting in your spotless apartment, stuffing yourself with civilized things that he wouldn't eat because they weren't meat and potatoes and revelling in the fact that some other poor hag is Spray n' Washing the skidmarks out of his boxers while you refill your glass of merlot and relax. After a mere week of not having to put down the seat, pick his jeans up off the floor or mop up the mud from his boots in the front hall, I was well and truly over him and well and truly on my way to being under someone else. Don't remember what made him wonderful - remember what made him a useless prick.
Incidentally, I'm a big fan of men and I would never suggest that they are all useless pricks. Just Henry (name changed to protect the idiot).
Sorry to hear it's all gone tits up, lovely. Better things, hey?
When it's right, you'll know. Until then, remain the gorgeous singleton that you are. There's no shame in being a soloist.
My dear CB - as you know this is a 'long time listener first time poster' well ish anyways :o)
Hope I can help you and keep you cheered for 'the journey' as someone once said to me 'We're here for a good time - not for a long time - make the most of it'
There's love for you hun....x
CB - I know it not easy, things do get easier, stay strong it will work out for the best in the long run....
I feel pretty sure your ex. is a poorer individual for losing you from his life. He probably knows it as well.
HAF is right - make the most of singledom, and walk the full length of the counter before making your next choice.
That sucks CB, and i've come by here too late to offer any more sage wiords of wisdom...however, the mans clearly a fool!
I just found your blog and like reading it a lot.
I'm not about to schadenfreud myself, but I just broke up with someone I didn't even love, and it still hurts!
I envy people who do it amicably, mutually, and stay friends.
Not for me, though. Cut him dead and enjoy your life (I intend to, too)
Eaten by cats? Have you read Sputnik Sweetheart by Haruki Murakami? Good scene of cat-eaten action in that. I am aware this is probably not helping. Rock on, G.
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