Black Humour

I'm not going to apologise for my lack of blogging lately. No apologies.

Funny enough, that's the name of Chris Rock's first-ever tour of the UK (No Apologies). I was lucky enough to have gone along to see him last night, and my friend had got us tickets without resorting to selling a parent ('Hey, how much do you think I can get for my mum on eBay?'), firstborn child ('Hi Sis, I need a favour... got a kid you want shot of?'), or giving "favours". Believe me when I say that there are people out there right now contemplating those options - tickets sold out quicker than you could say 'Chris Tucker?'.

The set was fantastically funny, as you'd expect from someone who is considered one of the greatest stand-ups of all time - he's a combination of the family-man incredulity of Bill Cosby (Chris has 2 daughters who he wants to 'keep off the pole'), with the lacerating tongue of early Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor, with all the fearlessness you'd associate with them.

His observations on race were characteristically caustic, such as the fact that he counts Mary J Blige, Denzel Washington and Jay-Z as neighbours - all exceptionally talented black performers. His average white dentist? Not so much. For a black dentist to be able to afford a $3 million house, he said, 'He'd have to invent teeth!... a black man has to fly to something a white man can walk to'.

Chris talked about Hillary's bid to become the next President, rubbishing it on the basis that 'experience' means nothing if it basically points to merely being the wife of a former President. After all, if his wife got on stage, would we laugh? No.

I disagree; it's fair to say Hillary wasn't at home watching QVC while Bill was at work. I daresay she has more than a hint of the Lady Macbeth about her; not for nothing were they once dubbed 'Billary'. Having a next of kin in the White House hasn't stopped anyone else running for the top job *cough*Bush! Kennedy!*cough*. Dynasties don't create themselves; nepotism is an advantage, almost a requirement; not a pejorative term.

Anyway, I'll leave the punditry to those who know far more than I. Let's stick to the subject at hand.

On women, Chris' material was a little weaker. Having dated white men who weren't Brad/George/Orlando-looking, I can assure you that it's not because my 'credit is fucked'. And no, I'm not after money, because if I was, I'd make a bit more bloody effort. And no, I don't have a problem with 'brothas' dating white women. Not all black women do, you know.

I did like the gag about 'Desperate Housewives'; a show about bored wealthy women fucking around behind their spouses' backs should be renamed 'Ungrateful Bitches'. However, the jokes about sloppy titties? For that I like to sing 'LA-AME!' to the tune of David Bowie's 'Fame'.

Some of the edgier stuff, as always, had me in stitches:

• Asking the white people in the audience if they were ready to hear when it's OK to say the word 'nigger'. In case you wondered, it's between 4.15 and 4.45pm on Christmas Eve, if a black person beats you to the last highly-desired toy du jour, grabs it from your grasp, beats you up and then pisses on you. In fact, black people would say to you: 'Sorry to hear that. I hope they catch that nigger'.


• Discussing the etiquette of your white friends singing the N-word to your favourite rap song if you're all hanging together (er, inadvisable, they just hum along to it to avoid offence) and what happens when your they listen to the same songs and you're not there (they 'turn that shit UP!' and 'really lean into it. NIGGERRRRR!')

Racial politics, sexual politics, political politics, these are his strengths: 'George Bush has made it hard for a white man to run for President!'. Jokes about oral sex and sloppy titties? That's 3rd-rate material that really had no place in his set. Observations on pop culture were a little stilted an the weeniest bit dated, although the gag about Britney having her kids taken away because her performance at last year's VMAs was so horrible, was quite funny 'No, you can't see your kids, you really need to work on your steps!' and the material wasn't especially UK-centric. In fairness, there are UK comedians who have that covered.

There was a joke about when it's OK to say 'faggot'. 'You don't have to be gay to act like a faggot...' then he mimes singing along to Gwen Stefani in his car, holding up the traffic, until someone honks and shouts, 'Hey faggot! Move!'

I'll leave you with his impressions of our strong Sterling: 'I went to change 3 thousand dollars at the currency exhange... I thought, yeah, I'm a big baller now. You know what they gave me? A loaf of bread!' and 'I live in a $3million house... that's 4 loaves of bread (in the UK)'. His maths perhaps needed a bit of work, but who was going to stop and tell him that?

Not a dry seat in the house at the end of the night, I tell thee. I spent nearly twice the face value of the ticket, but it was worth it. Everybody loves Chris. You rock!

(N.B. Next on my controversial comedian tick-list is Dutch Hans Teeuwen. This will be interesting.)